


polycephaly

by wonxas



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, NOT a fun read sorry, Violent Thoughts, i might fix errors tmr idk, this is literally just a vent please ignore, uhh read authors note for possible triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:41:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26853121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonxas/pseuds/wonxas
Summary: slit eyes tore across the room, bouncing to the rhythm of his heartbeat.or in which i write a vent through my favorite character of 2 years
Comments: 6
Kudos: 6





	polycephaly

**Author's Note:**

> i have no idea what im doing anymore
> 
> possible triggers  
> \- implied attempted suidice/near death  
> \- non descriptive mental illness  
> \- semi descriptive blood mention  
> \- very tiny scene of possible self harm. he just pulls his hair real hard.  
> \- depersonalization
> 
> that's all i can think of but if there's any i missed lmk i don't want to cause people stress with my vent :)

slit eyes tore across the room, bouncing to the rhythm of his heartbeat. hands gripped at folded knees. the wooden floor was cold underneath his legs forcing him to curl into himself. a damp face looked almost ghostly in the dim lighting. the taste of salt and stale air touched his tongue.

"I'M STILL HERE, AREN'T I??" he screams into the emptiness of his room. with his heading rocketing back, crazed eyes dart from shadow to shadow, searching for something between the darkness. "WHAT CAN YOU DO NOW, HUH??"

he grasped out into the emptiness, tearing to grab onto thin air. the walls were oppressive, narrowing in on what little space he had left. 

_just give in, suguru. be a good boy and sleep. come on suguru, don't you want to be good? can you do that? oh suguru, suguru-give in, suguru-sleep-suguru, suguru, SUGURU-_

"NO! LEAVE ME ALONE," he cried but there was no one to answer his calls of desperation. just like normal.

maybe if he gave in, maybe if he finally slept he would feel better. isn't that what they say? they would never lie to him, they want to see him succeed. they want to see him-

"DEAD. YOU WANT ME DEAD. GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!" an ear piercing scream engulfed the room, entering every corner and seam. 

he grabbed at his jaw, thrusting it upwards. he bit his tongue but that didn't bother him one bit. if they heard him it would be worse. it always was. he squeezed at his face, running his fingers along his lips. why couldn't he feel this? why couldn't he feel anything? scrambling, he pulled his free hand towards the crook of his neck, pulling, tugging on the outgrown hair until it ripped. why couldn't he _feel?_

ripping from his lungs, he let out another voiceless scream. he darts his head around in search of the voices that plague his nights. how is he supposed to be successful, be alive if he can't sleep at night? can't get rid of the voices that follow him like death. 

_suguru, we miss you so. wish you would come back to us. don't you miss it? when you came to visit us?_

"NO! no, no, no, no, no," he rambled along, the words melding together into incomprehensible syllables. last time was too close. people started to notice there was something off about him. if they knew, they would take him away. take him away from his normal life. away from volleyball.

_oh, volleyball. the only place where suguru has complete control. over the gameplay, the referee, the audience, the ball. you name it. it's all yours, suguru. the court is all yours and only yours. but here, you're in our court._

frantic head shaking joined the rambling that filled the room. it truly was a pathetic sight. beloved captain of nohebi's volleyball club, top twenty in his class, shaking on the floor of his room, screaming out at voices that aren't present.

he trembled, hazy eyes soaring across his desolate walls. his hands were still present at his neck and face, waiting for some semblance of pain to strike across his body. purple was painted across his face, mixing with the tears and sweat,  
contrasting against his complexation and unkept locks. blood fills all of his senses. it poured out of his mouth and into his waiting hand. it was all he saw, felt, tasted. it consumed him.

he slumped onto the floor, body weightless at last. there was sort of a poetic body to this sight. a person beaten to the point of breaking beyond repair laying in both absolute agony and paradise. one can only wish to seize the bliss without the pain it brings.

_come back to us, suguru. it's always just been you._

**Author's Note:**

> sorry not sorry u read it,,, it's not even that good im just,,, waves hand around


End file.
